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Situation 1

You have plans to go to the most amazing restaurant for dinner. You’ve been looking forward to this restaurant all week. The day of, your friend calls and says she can’t go because she’s got the stomach flu.

In your twenties: You get totally pissed off. You have to like, stay home now? You start mentally scrolling through your friend list wondering if anyone else would go with you. You realize you’re going to have to stay home and it totally sucks because you had the perfect outfit picked out.

In your thirties: You’re sad for like two seconds. Then you get totally excited because you just got a bonus night to catch up on laundry. You might actually get it all put away this week! And, for a moment, you wonder if you’ve been around your friend at all lately. Was she contagious? Maybe you’ll get the stomach flu and lose a few extra pounds too.


Situation 2

You have a fight with your boyfriend in the morning before work.

In your twenties: You go to work (you totally considered taking an emotional health day), but you’re crying the whole way there. When you get there, you have to reapply your make-up. You obsessively check your phone all day. Did he text? Did he apologize? What’s he going to be like when we get home tonight? Will he come home tonight at all? You’re a total mess all day. When you both get home, you fall into his arms and you both apologize and you swear you never want to feel that feeling of insecurity ever again.

In your thirties: You’ve been having a version of this same fight with your husband for five years, and you’ll probably have it the rest of your life. You bitch about him to your best friend, and that’s about all the attention it gets. You go about your day and when he gets home, maybe you talk about it. Maybe you don’t. Maybe you just ignore it. It’s the same freaking conversation anyway so you might as well just skip to the making up part.


Situation 3

Victoria’s Secret is having its semi-annual sale.

In your twenties: You go immediately. You actually go three times during the sale. You plan to buy all the bras because you definitely need more lacy ones and you have to stock up on lingerie. Plus, you need many types of underwear to go with the various types of pants and skirts you own. Thongs for white pants, hiphuggers for the low rise pants…

In your thirties: Do they put those flannel pajamas in the sale too? As for bras, the need is for some serious lift here…. those pretty little cotton triangles are a joke right? Oh, and full coverage only. Lace and demi need not apply. Maybe you’ll get a matching bra and panty set…if they even have a bra that can do this miracle job of making your breasts look like you haven’t been pregnant and nursed three times. You go to the sale. You leave with a pair of sweatpants. The cheerful sales lady tried to fit you, she really did. But they just don’t carry your size. “Come back when you have more time! We’ll try again!” she coos at you as you scurry away. You’re never going in there again.



Situation 4

Speaking of shopping….you’re spending a Saturday at the mall.

In your twenties: You have so many stores to peruse. You need clothes for work, weekend wear, and clothes for going out. That mini skirt at Express? There will definitely be a need for that next Saturday night! The flared jeans go so well with the cardigan and belt for a Saturday brunch. And the pencil skirt and blouse? A perfect work combination. You buy them all…you’ve got coupons since you frequent the stores so much.

In your thirties: Does this mall have Gymboree? Is there a frying pan for sale at Macys? You walk into a few trendy shops and touch the beautiful clothes. Does this have to be dry cleaned? Will kid slobber ruin this shirt? It’s gorgeous though… Wait…what the hell? $60 for a freaking top? Are they crazy?! That’s like two months of swim lessons! You buy three pairs of underwear. 3 for $20. You’re a sex goddess.

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photo credit: Victoria’s Secret Collection Tote bag via photopin (license)